Kasidy Yates Sisko (kasidy_yates) wrote,
Kasidy Yates Sisko

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Thankfulness and vulnerability (crossposted to theatrical_muse)

What do you have to be thankful for?

My parents, who taught me that the universe is bigger than just one planet. My father, who wished me well when I first went out into space. My mother, who visited me faithfully every month when I was in prison, even though it broke her heart.

My husband, Ben, and the time we had together before he had to go help out the Prophets. My step-son Jake, the best twenty-one-year old writer I could hope to know. My daughter, Rachel, who keeps me going even when I'd like to run away from the weirder parts of being married to the Emissary.

*laughs* Ben's dad, who has a room over the restaurant in New Orleans if I ever do decide to run away from it all.

My crew, the best in the quadrant, and my ship. She may be a few years behind Starfleet's finest, but she goes where I take her and she hasn't let me down yet.

My friends, like ezri_tigan_dax and col_kira_nerys. They've made living on DS9 and working for Bajor more than a job. And natoth_muse, who keeps an eye out for me even though I don't even belong to her universe.

Baseball. Tarkalean tea. Sunrise in the Yolja Valley.

And that legate_damar, despite his people's reputation for sentence without trial, was decent enough to come talk to me about whether I had double-crossed him or not. The Bajoran Militia, not to be outdone by a Cardassian, are now running their own investigation and seem to have cleared me as well. Who would have thought? A Cardie helping justice along...

And last but not least, a Mark VII transporter.

What makes you feel vulnerable and what makes you feel invulnerable, and why?

Finishing a difficult task makes me feel invulnerable. On top of the world. Getting a good contract with the Xhosa, fixing an engineering problem with Stadi, working out a problem with a friend. The universe throws some curve balls at you sometimes, and being able to hit them out of the ballpark makes me feel pretty darned good.

And yes, now that you ask, winning a baseball game makes me feel invulnerable, too.

Vulnerable? Facing a problem that I don't know how to even start handling makes me feel vulnerable. I don't think I've ever been quite as scared as I was for the three hours after I found out I was pregnant. Ben was in a meeting, and I sat in our quarters with the words of that Prophet running through my head. You will know only sorrow, you will know only sorrow... I don't usually cry, but I broke down in tears when he finally came in.

Why? I guess I've always taken pride in the fact that I can handle most things by myself. Not that I never need help, but that I'm reasonably competent. When I succeed, I feel like the woman I wanted to be when I was a girl: Kasidy Yates, the adventurous space-ship captain. There aren't too many things that make me feel out of my depth, but the ones that do–like being pregnant–definitely make me feel vulnerable.
  • Post a new comment


    Comments allowed for friends only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened